(When will I ever learn?!?! MySpace insists on eating my blogs. Every time I write a long and epically hilarious blog, I hit a button wrong on my laptop and erase the whole thing. My apologies about this blog not being as funny as the one that MySpace ate.)
I don’t really know what to say about the Mid-West trip. It was four days in three vans.
Tuesday morning when we left, I danced around anxiously wondering what van I was going to get stuck in. I weighed my options and tried to determine where Gerald was going. I find that traveling with Gerald is very important. I ended up in one van (The Green Hornet) that was being piloted by Julie and Brooke which threatened screeches only audible to dogs. The other vans, The Red Rocket was piloted by The Nydams, well at least Chuck and The Blue Bonnet, piloted by the other four Cornell students. Trouble struck before the first rest stop-a TA truck stop. It seems that The Red Rocket hit a deer, or rather a deer hit it. Ran smack dab into it. And power points had already been pulled out. By one of the next stops, the Blue Bonnet had become lost because of being distracted by a BlackBerry internet search on Jamie Lee Curtis and hermaphroditism. (Is she or isn’t she?) Eventually, we all met up and traveled to a farm in Indiana that was having a Salmonella problem. I’m not sure what we accomplished but we got Mexican for dinner. On the long, late way to the hotel, we tried to cross railroad tracks that were being worked on which resulted in a cluster trying to turn around. Going to bed was a great thing.
Wednesday, we went to Fair Oaks Dairy in Indiana. We ran around in the morning in the Adventure Center like grade schoolers before getting down to business in the afternoon and touring the real farm and going to another one. We also went to a calf raiser where we couldn’t take pictures which always leads me to believe that something really shady is going on. We travelled into Michigan and BBQed at Kay’s parents’ house. Kay is a Cornell student from Michigan. Some people went out and were pressured into drinking by a certain professor. I went to bed and was ready for it after having the ‘I’ve Got A Feeling’ song yelled in my ear by a certain French Canadian that drinks too much. And by too much I really mean-drinks all the time and may be drunk all the time as well. How does she function? Her liver must be very good.
Thursday, we met up with a vet and travelled around to several of his farms (including a Mennonite farm with a good looking Mennonite farmer that may or may not have melanoma in his eye) before returning to his house for a BBQ. There we hung out by the pool and some people swam. The pool was 90 degrees! We had a good time but were rapidly ready to go back to the hotel and when the pool got too dark, too chilly and too many mosquitoes, we all trooped inside and stared at the Nydams till they got the hint that it was time to go. Unfortunately, on the way, The Green Hornet following The Red Rocket was lead astray and we were lost. We found ourselves in the parking lot of Shirley’s Backroom. It most likely was an adult store featuring as it said on the sign ‘marital aids’ but had the possibility of also being a strip club. In addition to smelling like shattered dreams and too few ‘I love you’s, it literally smelled like shit. What made it more interesting, is the fact that one of the Nydams asked the shady man sitting out front for directions. And then there is the fact that when we got back on the road, we went the wrong way for a short distance-before someone like a state trooper or 18 wheeler came that way. At the hotel, I went to bed. Pretty much every time we reached a hotel, I went to bed.
Friday morning, we woke up and made our way into Ohio where unfortunately, the Green Hornet had to cash in our lost card because we got quite lost. Lost enough that we worried about running out of gas and there was urination in a corn field. I really needed to go but knowing that I am, as I put it ‘not tidy’, I had to wait. (‘Not tidy’ meaning when I have to pee outside, it normally ends back up on myself. Sometimes inside too, but I haven’t figured that one out yet. L ) A unhelpful phone call from Dr. Nydam (Daryl) ended up with repeating the wrong directions over and over again only getting progressively louder didn’t help our situation. However, a call from another Cornell student set us straight and we were off to yet another dairy farm. After the exhausting farm visit, the three vans parted ways heading for Ithaca.
The Green Hornet came back at about 10:30 at night. We had some problems in Indian Country getting gas. Luckily, we didn’t have to play the mechanical difficulties card nor the dead animal card. (The Blue Bonnet played both after tire problems (low) and a dead bird.)
I had a good time in the van with the exception of the yelling of the ‘I’ve Got A Feeling’ song. We had Elton John sing alongs which were super fun. This inspired us to become an Elton John cover band. We plan to drive around in a large green passenger van picking up people. It would be like Cash Cab with song. We would ‘sing at you , not to you!’. Brooke came up with a great name for us-Bennie and the Vets.
At the farm in Indiana, the farmer came from The Netherlands, and in his accent he said-‘All I know is pulling titties.’
When we were at the pool at the vet’s house, Suzanne said to Kay, ‘Can I smell your Busch?’ (As in the beer.) Say it aloud and you’ll understand why we all really, really thought it was funny.
We played road trip I Spy-some of the categories included-pressure to drink excessively by a certain person, beards and bonnets (for which I put out a strong warning as we went into Mennonite country), ‘Helen Keller’ song, MJ song, and references to Oprah (there were two).
There are certain songs that will always remind me of this trip. Pretty much any Elton John will bring me back to Bennie and the Vets. Then there is the Helen Keller song (‘Shush girl, shut your lips, do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips!’) and the Lady Gaga songs most importantly Love Game (‘I want to take a ride on your disco stick.’)
I had a great time on the trip. I think everyone did.
[EDIT-Orginally published to Blogger on 7/30/11]
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