Current mood:
angry
So I just touched on this in my abridged blog yesterday so let me give you a little back story...angryFriday afternoon, I got an email from one of the hospital higher ups. The subject was Re: Come See Me. (Sounds like a demand from the principal's office!). The jist of the message was to come and see him in the next few days about a client complaint. Nothing more. I didn't know if it was directly about me, about how a case was handled or about a clinician and they needed a student's view. I was worried for most of the weekend. I thought about my cases and could only think of one or two instances where maybe the client was a little upset but it was nothing that I could of done or prevented. In fact, most of my clients loved me. I have a card to prove it.
So today, I go upstairs to the third floor and meet with this guy. First off, he asks if I have met with Dodam yet because I'd probably get this conversation again if I haven't (I hadn't.) Then he starts describing a case that infact I think about pretty often and I was sure even though that person didn't seem like the kind to complain that it was about a clinician and how the clinican treated them. (Which was rather poorly.) And then it went on...and the complaint wasn't from that client BUT it was about me.
Apparently, in talking to this client another client overheard us. Overheard me saying something like that I was a bovine person because I didn't want to deal with the emotional aspect of small animal medicine. That's the jist of it anyway. I've put it out of my mind because it makes me so upset. Anyhow, the client had complained to her vet who called the school and the client said that she was glad that I wasn't her student. (I assume because I wouldn't of cared.) Of course, this was a person that had come along way (as if other people don't) and spent thousands of dollars to prolong her dog's life by months. Which is something I don't understand but not in like a condesending way-its hard to explain. My client on the other hand, didn't have the money to spend on his 'best friend' and I was relating to him that I understood because I didn't know if I could or would spend the money on my pet no matter how much I loved them either.
So I recieved a slap on the wrist and was told to be careful to whom I say things, where I say them, etc...I was condesended to and treated like a child. I believe the phrase 'Because you've just started...' was uttered. I'm not saying that they were wrong in telling me about this or wrong in telling me that I did something wrong. I did. I shouldn't of talked to my client in the lobby where other people could of heard us even though it was 5:30 and the lobby only had like two other clients, one who apparently had nothing better to do than put her nose in other people's business.
I'm frustrated and upset for many reasons.
First, I was relating to my client, reassuring him that it was okay not to spend the money. That it was a hard choice but okay. She wasn't my client so I wasn't relating to her. Had she been my client, I would of assured her that it was okay to spend the money on her best friend. But she wasn't. Did her student do that for her? They tell us over and over not to judge our clients when they walk in, that often they surprise us. Mine didn't. I knew he wouldn't spend any money on the dog that was with him 24/7. And that's okay. Its his choice and I have to support it if I agree or not. I was relating to my client. Supporting his choice. Not hers.
Second, they called my client who had nothing but nice things to say about me. I did my job. I made MY client happy.
Third, I feel like I was thrown under the bus. Never was I asked for my side of the story, asked for an explaination or anytime felt like I could of defended myself. I didn't feel that it was appropriate because it wasn't my client making the complaint, I didn't know the other part of the story. Never, I am sure, did the school suggest that maybe I was misunderstood, misheard.
Forth, this lady knew nothing of the circumstances. It didn't involve her and she put her nose where it didn't belong.
Fifth, this lady could very easily have me as her student the next time I'm upstairs and never know it. Why? Because I am compassionate. Because I am good with all of my patients, hoolved or not. Because my clients love me. Because I don't know how many times I've explained that I want to be a dairy vet only to have the clients tell me that I am so good with their dog/cat anyway. Its not some mask I wear or game I play. I truely mean it. I truely like when people love their pets. I have a new found appriciation for little white fluffy dogs.
And how did this get connected back to me anyway?
I related this tale through about half an hour of crying loudly to many of my rotation mates and they told me not to take it personally. That I realized my mistake and won't make it again. There were suggestions of that maybe this lady needed to be reassured that it was okay to spend that money, that her student didn't do that. There was the belief that I was thrown under the bus and did nothing wrong. Support that I am compassionate and a good person. Overall, every vet student I talked to had the same view. That it sucks, that this person was looking for something that didn't apply to them and that it wasn't my fault. I talked to Laura Goldman after walking the dogs and told her the story. She had the same view of course being a vet student. I then told her that I was going to go home, tell Joe the story, get into a fight and then cry some more. She suggested that I don't tell Joe. I should of listened...
I told my mom the story over the phone and you would of thought she was in vet school too. She supported me and told me that if I have to meet with Dodam that I should take a stand and defend myself. I don't want to talk to Dodam. I don't think it will change anything. There's nothing else that they can tell me not to do. They could keep me downstairs. That's pretty much the only solution I can think of at this point...but there are $1000s of dollars being spent on horses too. Basically, when it comes to it, I want a nice way to tell Dodam to fuck off and that I don't need scolded again.
And then I told Joe the story. After three years of dating, I SHOULD be able to tell my boyfriend about my day, especially if he asks, which he did. Maybe it has something to do with lady illness, the phase of the moon or just waking Joe up, but these school stories never go over well with him. I was telling him the story and he said he was on my side but he kept bringing up the other side. Don't you think that I've already thought of that side? That I have been running it through my head over and over too? If you're on my side, don't play devil's advocate. JUST BE ON MY SIDE! JUST SUPPORT ME! That's all I ever want but never get. He always has to bring up the other side as if its his. He always says that I never believe anything is my fault and that I am never wrong. Well, I did do something wrong; it being my fault or not is debatable. It doesn't matter. Joe still launches into this whole other side, you think you're never wrong thing and it always just makes me more and more upset. Being on my side means just stopping with my side-he interrupted me telling him all of the parts where I justify what happened to me. I know the other side. I know what I did wrong.
So Joe finally stormed off to work. And the last thing he said is that he'll pack his things tomorrow. Why does he always go to that place? Like if he says he's leaving something will change. I'm still going to be mad at him. Eventually, one (or both) of us will be sorry and things will be okay until the next crazy phase of the moon. Of course, I don't want him to leave. BUT if he says those things as threats, then there's other things that should go along with them...such as actually breaking up. And I'm not going to do that. I don't believe him to do it either.
Hopefully, as always, everything will work out between me and Joe. That he'll wake up tomorrow night and we'll be okay. That is what I hope at least...I guess I have to hope that's what he believes too.
[EDIT-originally published to Blogger-12/21/11]
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