Blame Canada

OR....F U USDA

So there's a small chance depending on how much the US Government decides to spy on me that this post may land me on a domestic terrorism list. Actually, in previous posts, I've been scared to type the words 'domestic terrorism' for that very fact.

At this point, I'm about three stressful days from perf-ing an ulcer so, what the hell?

It all begins sometime in September when an Amish farmer calls us wanting to know some information and prices on shipping cattle to Canada. I do some basic research from the USDA-APHIS website and make a rough list with rough costs and pass it along to the secretary/receptionist/financial person that routinely does this work. Immediately, she questions the prices I have listed and refers it to TC.
Then it turns out that this Amish guy (AG for short) may also want to take some horses, pigs and dogs.
So we get the information for these and he settles on just the horses-four and two cows.

Its been hard working with AG because well, he's Amish and doesn't have a neighbor/driver that can be reliably reached for phone conversation.

Eventually, he calls in and the receptionist gets it set up for me to go pull Coggins tests on three of the four horses. The fourth horse has one that's in the mail. Unfortunately, this receptionist has not asked when he's moving so when I get out there I find that its not for over a month so the rest of the testing (on the cows) can not be performed...and by the way the USDA office that has to approve all of my health papers is closed because of the government shutdown. Not the easiest concept to explain to someone that has very little use for the government.

After some discussion with CB, its decided that I will just handle the health papers at this point cause it will be easier if I do them. I felt that I would have a better understanding. Better understanding does not translate to actually getting them done better though. BOO.

Now two or three weeks later, AG calls back-the government is open, its within 30 days of his projected move. I go out, I TB test the cows, I draw blood, I give them and the four horses through inspections.

Three days later, I read the TB tests and we discuss the paperwork. I harass him to get the import permit from Canada. I make him promise to treat his cows for ticks. I get back the office and in the afternoon start to write up as much as I can on the health papers for the cows. Instantly, I run into a snag...the permit number needs to be on the health certificate.

Sadly, AG can not be easily reached. So I drive out there, deliver this bit of information to his wife via letter and wait.

I get a call last week with the fact that he has in fact applied for the permit into Canada AND he treated the cows with a certain product (also needed for the certificate). This week, he calls me with the import permit number. Great! I can now submit all of these forms. I finish filling them out and fax them to the USDA office yesterday. I know that its pushing it for his departure date but I am confident that everything will work. Today, I call the USDA office to get some feedback so I can make corrections as needed. On the horse form, there were a handful of date errors which can be lined out and initialed. No big deal. Frustrating for someone that likes to be neat but still okay. (I could rewrite the whole thing but that would take forever. I've already done it like twice.) The cattle form had a couple of date errors which again could be corrected via a line but then there was a statement about what kind of herd this was (established vs assembled). This statement needs to be rewritten. SIGH. Then, I need to submit the TB test form. Shit. I forgot to fill one out. Still not an issue...except it needs the owners signature. Then also I find out that I actually need to submit the Canadian permit...that we're still waiting on. AND finally, that the cows need to be tattooed. UGH. DE even asked if they needed USA tattooed in their ear and I cheerfully, was like nope! They only need a silver USDA tag or an RFID tag and a tattoo because that's how I interpreted the rule (read number 3).

Needless to say, I made another trip out to Ohio. AG wasn't home so I left a note with his wife AGAIN. My tattooer didn't work (it was rusted shut) so I'll have to tattoo them when I deliver the health papers.

Then I start freaking out. What if the horses were going to go at this earlier date? What if they aren't crossing at the same spot as the cows like I assumed?

I can't just call up AG and ask him so I have to hope and pray that he calls me with these answers. Even if I drive out there (FOR THE FIFTH TIME!), I don't know if he is going to be home tomorrow or if his wife even knows.

I contemplated going a head and sending the horse health papers and just eating the shipping because we up charge it enough but then I freaked out over the port thing. Then I realized that there was no way in hell that the papers would even be back at the same time so the horses and the cows would have to go together.

I've royally screwed this guy over, haven't I? I'm really upset. I really wish this was easier and that AG had a phone which would make it worlds better.

Then in the middle of all of this afternoon's discoveries, the office calls. One of the receptionists is like (very slowly-if I could have reached through the phone and strangled her, I would have)-there's a horse, here and this bad thing happened to it and they want someone to come out. Well, I'm no where near there. Did you call the vet on call? 'No.' Maybe you should call him. So she did and he couldn't be out there for twice as long as when I said I could possibly be out there. So she calls me back and tells me this. Then another receptionist calls me about euthanizing a dog, which I agreed to do. So after my debacle in Ohio, I go way over to the far east side of our practice and euthanize a horse in the dark and drizzle before returning to the clinic for the dog. Sad night.


Anyway, I think I found a flea on one of the cats. In the process of looking at him, he scraped the crap out of my leg. I don't use flea control (bad vet mom) and am not even sure if I have some cat stuff or not.

I'm never getting pregnant.

I have to try on bridesmaids dresses at some point but am fat. And I know if I bring Joe, he'll just be super critical cause that's how he is.

The house still has Halloween decorations up.

The house hasn't been vacuumed in at least two weeks. Probably longer.

I have craft projects laying around.

I really miss my little kittens.

Joe has to go to court in December. He had a paper that said tomorrow but apparently, that is wrong.

My mom wants me to float the horse's teeth at Thanksgiving but doesn't want me to sedate them. I'm not sure what I can accomplish then.

Did I mention that Margie (the vet truck) got hit in a parking lot like two weeks ago? Yep, not great times. I was pulling in and someone pulled into my back quarterpanel. Its not a bad dent but looked a lot worse when it happened.