Fearful

Well, you know by now that I'm a worrier. The what ifs and the should haves plague me. I'm always thinking about what I should have done and what if something else happens.

My future is particularly scary. The choices that I have to make regarding my future scare me even more.

I'm fine with the idea of the future containing children. I'm fine with the choices I have made so far.

What I'm not fine with is the fact that I want to buy a house. Well, I'm fine with that part of my future. But what starts making me worried and fearful is the what ifs....

What if...
-I have a baby and decide that I don't want to do large animal any more?
-I do want to do large animal and my clinic stops providing that service (again)?
-I buy a house and start hating my job?
-I make the wrong choice?

This would be a lot easier if I had fewer cats, fewer dogs, fewer husbands, fewer bills to pay, fewer responsibilities. But I have too much of all of those things. Its unfortunate.

My decisions don't just involve me. They involve Joe and potentially a little bundle of cells. My choices have to be right for them. And that's what I can't get over. That's what I can't stop worrying about.

All I want is a stable mixed animal job, a goat farm, a baby and less debt. Is that too much to ask?





I guess it is...